The Find: Woman of Many Hats

The roommate and I had a yard sale this past holiday weekend, and as you might suspect, not everything flew off the lawn as we had hoped.  So we loaded up the trunk, drove over to Value Village, and dropped off a sizable donation of stuff.  It felt good to unload, knowing that what was random, totally-not-useful stuff to us could become useful to someone else for mere pennies.  (Okay, maybe quarters.)

But since we were there...we figured we might as well stop in for a look-see.  I had been hoping to find a box to keep on my desk for business cards and other things I picked up along the course of the work day and wanted to save.  (Green file box, $3.43, by the way.  Score.)  We checked out a bunch of shoes (no nude pumps...someone keeps getting to them before me!) and found ourselves in the hat section.

And there was this veil, you see.

And it was gorgeous.

And I was sweaty and hot and gross, and there was dirt all over my lovely new TBD shirt.  (Hey, I was trying to cross-promote at the yard sale.)  

But I had to try on that veil.

So I did.  And we giggled, and talked about how it was in great shape, and wondered aloud in the aisle about how old it might have been.  I considered spending the few bucks on it--something to put away for later, perhaps--but honestly, you've gotta get a dress before you pick out a hairpiece of any sort, right brides?

I reluctantly put it back on the rack but was quickly distracted by a hideous, pale yellow headband (lower left).  Now, I am a woman who cannot wear many hats because my head is so damn big.  We've gone over this before, I know you're aware.  But this headband slipped right on and wouldn't you know, it looked like I was wearing a pineapple on my head.  Its beauty was only enhanced by the price tag sticking off the top like some sort of birthday candle.

At this point we began attracting the attention of the others in the aisle.  I heard a voice behind me.  "No, no, don't get that.  This is the one for you."  I turned to see a woman approaching me with a white hat (lower right).  I enthusiastically took it to try on and thanked her.  It was an awesome looking hat, if only I had the right occasion for it.  As I tried to ram it onto my giant dome, she said to the back of my head, "When's the date?"

I realized that she had been there for the whole veil exchange and my face went red.  "Oh, there's no date," I admitted, biting my tongue before I added, "yet."  "I just like to find the bargains as they come."

But she was right—the hat would have been amazing for an elegant wedding.  If only I were actually getting married and had a smaller head.

While we terrorized the hat and accessories aisle, I also ran across a few wigs—one of them being a straight-up mullet wig.  I actually hollered, "Dude this is like a mullet wig!" before realizing it was probably part of a Halloween costume.

The hat fairy then bestowed upon us a good piece of advice: Never try on a wig in a thrift store.  She said that lice is very unlikely to live on hats and scarves, but could be alive and well in a wig.  We got the heebie jeebies and scampered out of there before you could say, "Git 'er done."

Bonus points: You may know that Value Village offers 25 percent off the entire store on Mondays.  This weekend, I learned that on Memorial Day, everything in the store was FIFTY PERCENT OFF.  It's worth yelling about.  I am pretty sure this discount was available because it was a Monday holiday, so they just doubled the discount.  Columbus Day, MLK Day, I'm looking at you.  I am onto your discount tricks.

♥